The boys had a much needed grooming on Saturday. The routine when they return is always the same. They slurp a gallon of water and then go have a chat with the neighborhood. Just as I am fortunate not to be a mindreader, I don’t actually understand what my dogs are saying. But, I can imagine.
We stand on the deck so Haas can survey his kingdom.
Haas: I have returned! It has been many years, but I am victorious and I shall secure my lands from all intruders.
Mom: You’ve been gone 3 hours. No one has taken your stuff.
Haas (projecting louder): I have survived the women who tried to drown me!
Neighbor dog on the left: What did they do to you? Was it the big truck that brings boxes to your house everyday?
Mom: It wasn’t the FedEx guy. Leave him alone. And they didn’t try to drown you. You just smelled smelled gross and got a bath.
Haas: Neighbor friends! They washed my butt! You must believe it is still me, even if I don’t smell of the poo. This is why I proclaim my presence! Hear me and know it is really I who have returned.
Neighbor dog on the right: I will send my sister to verify you return. Wait. She wears the cone and does not fit through the fence.
Haas: Also! They removed the dirt from my feet and much of my claws. Pack friends, we must go slowly until my paw protection returns.
Mom: Dramatic, much?
Neighbor dog on the left: The pain. The horror. Oh! My kid is jumping. I will return.
Drake: You’re all morons.
Mom: I haven’t had enough coffee for your hysterics. I’m going inside.
Percy: I love you so much, mom!
Haas: Pack friends, let us sing the song of the fluff-butt kind!
The Terrible Two on Four Feet 
Hee, hee…this was a great smile. We missed you guys…singing the sounds of your people. I’m sure there’s a pile of something gross you can roll around in off the back porch to help get that eau de canine smell back.
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