The boys had a much needed grooming on Saturday. The routine when they return is always the same. They slurp a gallon of water and then go have a chat with the neighborhood. Just as I am fortunate not to be a mindreader, I don’t actually understand what my dogs are saying. But, I can imagine.

We stand on the deck so Haas can survey his kingdom.

Haas: I have returned! It has been many years, but I am victorious and I shall secure my lands from all intruders.

Mom: You’ve been gone 3 hours. No one has taken your stuff.

Haas (projecting louder): I have survived the women who tried to drown me!

Neighbor dog on the left: What did they do to you? Was it the big truck that brings boxes to your house everyday?

Mom: It wasn’t the FedEx guy. Leave him alone. And they didn’t try to drown you. You just smelled smelled gross and got a bath.

Haas: Neighbor friends! They washed my butt! You must believe it is still me, even if I don’t smell of the poo. This is why I proclaim my presence! Hear me and know it is really I who have returned.

Neighbor dog on the right: I will send my sister to verify you return. Wait. She wears the cone and does not fit through the fence.

Haas: Also! They removed the dirt from my feet and much of my claws. Pack friends, we must go slowly until my paw protection returns.

Mom: Dramatic, much?

Neighbor dog on the left: The pain. The horror. Oh! My kid is jumping. I will return.

Drake: You’re all morons.

Mom: I haven’t had enough coffee for your hysterics. I’m going inside.

Percy: I love you so much, mom!

Haas: Pack friends, let us sing the song of the fluff-butt kind!